i hope everyone is savoring the final telecasts of the academy awards

Yep. I think we're in the final years of the Oscars. They suck! I can't imagine the expense of the broadcast outweighing the ads much longer. I don't think many of your children will have zero memory of the Oscars when they're our age. But tradition matters, and Tony made a mean turkey chili, there were dresses to see, eyes to roll at J. Law, and I even managed to put down a glass of Cloudy Bay despite being overserved Saturday evening completely against my will. So on with it!

Far and away best dressed goes to my friend (even if she doesn't know it) Jennifer Garner. If you follow her on Insta you know she's been working out again really regularly, but also it's more just like WOW, what a color, incredible fit, and I - like her - cannot resist a train. Guys, I really feel she worked on that marriage. I do. Too bad., man. It really is just a total bummer he could not pull that shit together. Oh! And she ended up a meme last night - something I totally noticed and actually rewound to see on my own tv. When you see a dress and look like this materialized, it does make your recognize there are a lot of really emerging and interesting designers out there, but you must admit when someone just slays it, it is often in Versace. (But that mini series is WEIRD AF) Also, yeah, I wish Ben had been there, I won't lie. But little awk w/his dirtbag brother and all. Do you think they (Jen and Ben) talked about it? Like did she ask him if he was going or fyi him that she was in a text? These are the inside things I obsess over. It is difficult to be me.

What else....

I'm not always super into the jewels (exception: Angie's emeralds!) but Helen Mirren's Harry Winston sparklers were stunning. She is so cool. She always strikes me as someone who would have been an awesome mother-in-law.

Jason Sudekis needs a haircut.

Who were those people doing the ABC carpet? Yikes green dress lady.

Lisa Bonet: WHAT SKINCARE LINE DO YOU USE? She and Zoe are twins, and I think some of the prettiest women in the world. Those tats ruin so much, but not everything.

Guys, let's just say aloud what we're all thinking: these two have great sex.

Speaking of, Mindy and BJ: are they or aren't they? Emmy really needs to know. (I say no)

Someone texted me that Sandra Bullock was Cher last night. On point!

I am get all the feels when I see Miley and whatshisname. She is in such a good place these days! It's really cute! (And her dress was cool!)

I am ready for Tiffany Haddish to go bye-bye. Enough. (Though the bit about how she keeps wearing that McQueen dress is pretty rich.)

CJ Cregg yall! Super happy for her - it was a truly entertaining performance she gave in I, Tonya. I also thought it was kinda cool how her two outfits worked in tandem but were also distinct. She seems so interesting and cool. Sidebar: I would like to go out to dinner with these two!

Jimmy Kimmel was....safe. The jet ski thing was...fine. Giuliana was relegated to a...hotel pool? Where was...Robin Roberts? The camera at drop-off was...appreciated (by me). I...fell asleep for the Jodie Foster stuff.

What's the deal with alcohol during the show? Like, I know you can slam a drink if you go out to the bar, and I've heard it's a really rich scene, but like why did we see J. Law slinging a glass of what I assume was savvy b in the front rows when she climbed over the seats? What is the protocol? Zero surprise she would break any rule I CANNOT STAND HER. (Laura...the MPK junket stop...)

Chelsea Peretti keeps it real. Jordan's wife!

It was recently revealed that Armie Hammer was eating crackers in bed. I would like him to know that I welcome such behavior in my own. That is all.

Salma - WHY? You have everything in the Pinault empire available to you and you went with THAT?

Laura Dern - aging well, loved the white. (But Jane owned white, preesh) Related: where was Reese?

Gal Gadot - where did she come from???????????

What. Happens. When. Kelly. And. Strahan. Bump Into Each Other Backstage. It's all i think about.

I missed...look, I missed some of the people who were coming up in the Weinstein days I guess. There were big dresses but an overall lack of...glam? And, look, I feel weird about admitting I wanted Gwyneth (in Tom Ford hopefully!) and Matt and Lucy and Penelope, or Sharon Stone, and like, remember that time Ryan and Reese were a little drunk on the carpet? I think it was the Globes, but still. That was FUN. Where was Cate Blanchett? Charlize? What about TILDA. Laura Linney. Hell, I'll take Tom Cruise ESPECIALLY if we also get Katie and Jamie! I missed Brad. George and Amal. Ugh. I was feeling all night like it was all so...HEAVY. Pass the popcorn! Bring on the swishy Oscar de la Renta skirts! A classic tux! Someone accidentally saying a bad word! Busy and Michelle! I am starting to feel my age as I write this.

She is lovely. I wish this didn't have the sleeves. Where was John?

Christian Siriano is sort of the gown guy, huh?

I like that Krista Smith from VF is on the carpet - she gets all the good stuff for them so it makes sense. I hope when she watches the playback, she'll rethink the illusion netting for next year.

In memoriam. If you are a longtime follower/friend of mine you will know it's the worst part of Emmy's award show nights. So IMAGINE when it was REVEALED that Eddie Vedder was there...TO PROVIDE THE MUSIC FOR THE IN MEMORIAM. not bueno. (reminder of my little sam shepherd moment in nyc)

Kate Bosworth always looks like her ponytail is tied way too tight.

Jon Hamm, still fire.

Ok, back to my face mask and Maddow. If only THIS shit were a movie amirite? Thanks for reading!