a baby! in england!

i think it is so cute when people are together as a couple from a very early age - you have so many pics together! like, there are some gems of, say, harriet and stuart, that will just about bring you to your knees because of how insanely YOUNG they look! everyone gets better with age IMO but there is something about those innocent, full faces from college that just amaze me about people my age who have been together for twenty year already. kate and wills are like that and i find it freaking adorable. (WHAT DOES HE CALL HER. IS IT CATHERINE? IS KATE FAKE AND THE MEDIA CAME UP WITH IT BECAUSE IT FIT THE BRITISH BROADSHEETS BETTER THAN CATHERINE? WHAT DOES PIPPA CALL HER? ALMOST EVERY PERSON READING THIS CALLS ME LIZ BUT LITERALLY NO ONE I AM RELATED TO CALLS ME THAT - THEY CALL ME BISSY. OR ELIZABETH IF I AM REALLY PUSHING IT. DOES SHE HAVE A NAME LIKE THAT? WHAT IS SHE CALLED AROUND THE HOUSE BACK IN BUCKLEBERRY?  I REALLY REALLY REALLY WISH I KNEW. <end manic internal monologue>)

anyway, they have added a healthy little baby to their sweet family. what a nice story for the world! as elizabeth holmes (no, the other one) has now trademarked...so many thoughts! it is so cute to see william holding the baby carrier thingy that you clip into the car seat thing! you let me know if there is anything hotter than a man dealing with the dumb everyday shit of being a dad. i saw a guy the other day on the street with the lunch bag AND the book bag because SOMEBODY now gets to ride a scooter to PS3 and about got hit by a taxi because i was transfixed by the cuteness. she has such quick labor! is charlotte as sassy as we all think she is? does the queen text baby and confetti emojis? how annoyed is george? is he telling tall tales of when charlotte came home? can't middleton be incorporated into this child's four or five names somehow? i want mike to get some love! and, last by not least: how annoyed was meghan that she didn't get to breeze by the paps outside the lindo wing. (yes, QB, yes to all you are thinking.) 

there are a million little notes i could riff on (because i am mental) but i'll just stain you on five, ok? you're welcome. and i'm also sorry. 

1) GEORGE IS OBVS SORT OF SHY AND CBB WITH THE PRESS BUT WILLIAM LEANED DOWN AND MADE A LITTLE COMMENT THAT GOT HIM TO LAUGH. 

Y'all, it is a split second in the video but you can see it happen and it's captured here. His sweet little face remains downcast and focused on ONE. FOOT. IN FRONT OF. THE OTHER. but that boy's daddy got him to laugh. I die. Also pictured: somebody has been working on her wave. 

2) KATE CHANNELED DIANA. AGAIN. 

I die. Kate is so thoughtful and subtle with the nods to her late mother-in-law. I really don't know what to say about the hose and heels seven hours later, but I do know that if she has a fourth it should be named after her hairdresser. My sister remained calm about this scene only because she kept telling herself - and me, all day - that photo opp or not, the Duchess was wearing mesh granny panties just like every other new mom. Fair. 

3) CHARLOTTE WALKS ON HER TIPPY TOES. 

Will the cuteness ever stop? EVER? I love it when little girls go through this phase. I want to eat her!

4) GRANDMA IS AT CVS. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MOMS DO.

Carole Middleton - known* chardonnay enthusiast and the royal attache I would most like to sneak a cig with at Meghan and Harry's reception- is ultimately the MVP of this entire situation. Did she know when she watched Elton belt out the custom Candle in the Wind number in WA on tv that day that she'd one day have to double up on granny duty to make up for the untimely passing of the People's Princess? Honestly, she's so goddamn good at what she does, MAYBE. But really, she is just a mom. Getting her girl some Tuck's medicated pads at the English equivalent of Duane Reade. In, admittedly, a higher heel than anything Judy ever owned. Good on her, and give your mom a jingle today because you know what, moms are the best. 

*Fine, I don't technically ~know~ that Carole loves chardonnay but until someone proves otherwise, I'm stickin' to my story. 

5) LOL THE RANDOM COUPLES LEAVING THE LINDO WING ON THE DAY THE RAZZI WAS WAITING ON BABY CAMBRIDGE. 

This is one of the first things I saw when I blearily opened Twitter in my bed yesterday morning. I was LOLing before I even knew Kate was there. Obvs, BuzzFeed did a story all about it and it is as rich as you may suspect. 

In closing...here is the prettiest person I've ever seen leave a hospital with a new baby! 

Thanks for reading! And yay for healthy babies and good mamas and daddys.