work friends!
last week, emma goldberg’s wonderful piece for the NYT, “the magic of your first work friends,” made its way through my feeds. it resonated with a lot of people my age, and honestly was one of those pieces that made me think, “WHY DON’T I PITCH STORY IDEAS TO OUTLETS I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS.” probably because my nostalgic, wordy brain would never allow my keyboard to stay confined to a word count. but as someone who now works for myself, from home/a co-working space, and like a lot of you no longer heads to an office every day, this is something i truly have thought about over the last couple of years. mostly because i can’t believe there will be a whole generation of people, especially new yorkers, who won’t get their Work Friends.
there are relationships that can only be forged through particular circumstances. soldiers who experience war together, a nurse and patient who go through a traumatic event, sports teammates achieve a championship. but the one that emma talks about, and that i experienced so deeply in my first two decades of adulthood: the people you meet when you work at a company. gulley and i back-to-back in the cubicle trading AIM messages with the volume on mute. she lives 5 minutes from my stepson’s boarding school, and got to meet my husband last football season. tasha and i navigating independent life in atlanta, separating ourselves from our well-meaning parents, and hashing through each interaction with a certain stephen boyd, who caught her eye in those early days…and still does 20 years and two sons later. (WOW) heather and i talk stepchildren and family life weekly now - but we first crossed each other’s paths at 45th and lex in the healthcare team pit. it was such a time of life. small paychecks, big dreams, and fun at every turn.
i feel sad that 20somethings these days will not have to commute in the rain and throw their janky street umbrella in a trashcan. they’re cozy at home on zoom. i had a (terrific) boss once who, when i missed two meetings in a row just because i had not yet started putting things in a calendar, drove me to an office depot off piedmont road and bought me a day planner. that lesson is burned in my brain, i ASSURE you. lots of people today have never met their manager in person. the after-work drinks dates set with only your eyes across a room, knowing one another’s hangover status based on the beverages on the desk, and connecting deeply because, well, you see each other every. single. day. these are all wonderful, heartening by-products of just having a job at an office!
certain people stay with you, others are more “time and a place.” but you can always kinda pick up where you left off after you’ve spent time in the trenches with these folks. i see social media pictures of douce - not even my work friend! emmy’s! - with his young family today and it warms my heart. i remember when he kept his phone on charge all day at the office so that he would be fully charged for the ENTIRE night out. every now and then lainie (pictured above) and i get into a texting session that makes me cry from laughing. and she has never forgotten my adage from the mid-2000’s: “leggings are not pants.” (they are not!) i would never even KNOW anthony and rusty if it weren’t for my boss, lori! she is in LA now, and always on my call list when i am heading west. it’s so fun to revisit these memories, and think of the good times that helped shape who we all are.
as the jobs got higher- harder - heavier the relationships deepened. vulnerability breeds intimacy! there is not enough blog space in the world to talk about my journey through televisionland. rachel, lizzie, hope and lara in the pit at MH’s. we did NOT know what lay ahead for that crew, huh?! having to tell ashley that my mom was going to die, on a bench in madison square park, sunglasses on. ashley wasn’t even 30 yet, and showed such calm and compassion it helped teach me empathy i use very practically in my life today. lauren’s first baby. lauren’s second baby. lauren’s going to chicago. i watched josie and dana do katie’s hair and makeup a million times, as KC worked in the chair and edited and recited and pushed back on scripts. josie did my hair and makeup, and that of my stepdaughters’, on my wedding day. loved mere so much, kinda couldn’t work anywhere without her afterward. and tony. oh, tones. if the atlantic grill back bar could talk, my friend. emma refers to the remote work culture as “opportunities for friend-making” slipping away. i guess that’s what it is, and what pains me when i think of zoom happy hours and calls all day from a cush home office. fewer moments for catching the eye of a cutie on the train, getting the giggles in a meeting, seeing a colleague tank, and then reassuring them afterward on a walk around the block. i learned so much from those people, and have carried much of it over the triborough bridge, and back down south again.
there is no perfect solution, and the world surely has changed. i am sure a hybrid will surface, and people will adjust, and new york - because this is just how that magical place works - will reinvent itself yet again.
life has seasons. i am grateful for all of mine. ✨✨✨