dog days

Hi, my name is Liz, and I am not really a dog person. 

Not liking animals is one of the last acceptable cultural taboos around, if you think about it. A lot of things that used to be frowned upon or unpopular have become completely acceptable and often even encouraged in polite society these days. But admit to someone you don’t really care for dogs, have them excitedly respond, “Oh! So you’re a cat person!” and then shake your head and say, “No, I am not into cats either, actually” and man, you really find yourself on the receiving end of what my mother would have called the hairy eyeball. Surprise, scorn, and eventually disgust dance across faces, and you envision the person on the other side of the admission returning home that evening to report to their partner “You’re not going to believe this woman I met today. She hates animals!”

I was scared of dogs as a child and never really developed a sense of ownership or bond with any of our family pets. Feel free to ask my sister for evidence to support this statement. Over time, the sentiment moved from fear to indifference and even annoyance. I didn’t pet my best friend’s cats, or feel excited to take a dog on a walk as a young person. (I did really love Arlo, Paulk’s dog in Atlanta, though. That dog was amazing!) While living in New York I wondered why in the world owning a pet there would be a priority or even on the table at all. I couldn’t believe my mom got a rescue dog to keep my dad company as he aged, and I was especially confused when people had more than one pet. It just was never on my radar. I couldn’t be bothered. Even the dogs I knew well and didn’t mind, owned by friends or family, would never get called over for a belly rub from yours truly. I am not a horrible person, it’s just really not my thing, ok?!?!

Those who know me are aware that animals have moved into the, ahem, forefront of my life’s current chapter. My husband and his family have pets galore, and animals are at the center of most of their hobbies. When I see my husband or my mother-in-law tap their stomachs twice, I know a terrier is about to fly up onto a lap. Dogs and cats and horses and hounds are a part of their family rhythm, and over time, they have graciously given me the space to develop my own march to it. In the earlier days, Mary Lu batted Thistle away from my ankles as she went in for a good licking of my lotion. Mason politely entertained my vow that I would never “do all that” in regards to petting and singing to his canine trio as is his wont, and Lucile was kinder than she needed to be when I left the back gate open on Gibbes with her Boykins ready to bolt. Editor’s note: I know a lot more about gates, generally speaking, and closing bedroom doors than I did six years ago. 

Much of the practical side that accompanies falling in love in your forties happened for Mason and me during the pandemic, and as I learned about what a life shared at his home could look like during that very weird time, I eventually felt brave enough to take his two terriers and black lab on a walk on my own. Armed with no leash, no poop bags, and no general human-animal experience, off we went on our daily red clay journeys. Sometimes I would spend the whole trek with my AirPods in, talking to Anna on the phone or listening to podcasts. I would pass people on horseback and wave to Curt in his truck. Certain days Eliza might join me and we would have a hearty catch-up while her boys endured online school back at their house. 

It became a pattern and as my relationship with Mason progressed, so followed the content of my conversations and listening library. The dogs knew things others did not, and I swear, sometimes they were ahead of me not only as we crossed creeks (I am cautious!!!) but as I began to settle into the cadence of a life someplace new. They comforted me in a significant time of transition, as I traded the subway for Salomons* and began to feel less like a visitor around these parts. I dipped my toes into uncharted waters, trying my best not to upset too many apple carts in the process, and - no matter what -  those damn dogs made me feel as if they were glad to see me. I met people and forged new friendships, but with the exception of LQG, Freya, Pepper and Pistol have known me longer than anyone inland has. They learned about me, and I learned about the treat drawer. I stopped borderline vomiting with anxiety if one of them ran off for a few minutes (or hours) and began to believe my boyfriend who told me we would just have to love these dogs as long as Jesus lets us have them. I looked forward to seeing them waiting in the driveway and I started feeling guilty when we went out of town. With time it became evident not only to me, but to people who know me that true change was afoot- in life, in love, in canine companionship. As Henry so eloquently put it, when it came to my personal human capacity for loving dogs, “Liz, we’ve infected you.” 

And this was all before Tina!

One year ago, Mason’s #1 gal Freya gave birth to her second beautiful litter of yellow and black pups. Now, that overall experience is to be documented for a different time and place, but believe me, I learned much about both dogs and marriage during it. The chubby puppy angel we kept for ourselves opened my heart even more than the original three had cracked it. Forty-five and in puppy love for the first time, Tina entered the chat and changed the game around these parts. Taking pride in my self-awareness, I would like to thank every single person who has tolerated my photos (sometimes videos), heard me singing to her and been nice about it, nodded or agreed when I said “isn’t she perfect” and “isn’t she smart,”  and just generally dealt with me since her debut. This includes our vet, who is a lot nicer to me than Mason when I hit the medical panic button. 

Twice the size of every other puppy, constantly bothering her siblings, NEVER on the losing end of a feeding session, Tina made spring and summer so snuggly that just when I was getting sad about how big she had grown, it was time to come home from Michigan and she was big enough to go on walks with the rest of the crew around the farm! Those first few days we headed down the driveway she looked at me like, “Really? This is where we live now? Are you sure?” and then took off  to catch up with her mama. Her little personality, the nuances of how she fits in with the other dogs, Mason’s kids when they call her name, her morning and evening habits, and the roller coaster of my emotions as I have closely (obsessively?) followed her first year of life it all brings happy tears to my eyes. She has sparked joy in my heart, and been quite the addition to our already energy-heavy lives. While the last 365 days of my photo roll is preeeeettty embarrassing, there is no shame in my game: My name is Liz and I am a full-blown dog lover. 

I say it all the time, life has seasons! We keep changing and growing (hopefully)! I am not a false version of myself because I have grown to love dogs and cherish my walks with them, and I wasn’t faking it in previous years when I really didn’t care that much about animals. Things changed because I let myself be open to it, and I’m really proud of that. One of the most beautiful parts of my marriage to Mason is how we have opened one another’s eyes to new things smackdab in the middle of our lives, an opportunity I’m incredibly grateful for on both sides of the equation. And these dogs have watched the whole thing unfold! 

I appreciate your reading this, and also for all the people in my life who have been sweet as they’ve watched this and other chapters take shape. Spring has sprung now, a time of year that brings memories, blooms, and smells I happen to love. It also marks another year of marriage with my marvelous husband who makes the ordinary extraordinary each day I share with him. So, happy anniversary, Mason, and happy first birthday, Tina Louise Lampton! I sure do love you both. And I did break my promise; shoot me a text if you’d like to hear my original lullaby I sing to Tina with great frequency. 🐾❤️🎶

ya don't know what ya don't know

i was in new york last week and built in some time to walk around the east village, my very first neighborhood! astor place was my first subway stop! i know! a real fun fact about me. on july 4, 2002, i arrived via a one-way airtran (RIP) ticket with a large suitcase and a small suitcase, and somehow made my way to my new digs: 6th street between 2nd and 3rd, near mcsorley’s if that helps.

my friend and i were going to get our own place, but i needed to go ahead and get going at work (i transferred with my atlanta company- thanks again, robyn and i-ling) and so she had sort of worked out a temporary place for me to- quite literally as there was not room for much else- lay my head. it was post-9/11 and the airline industry had put tons of people on furlough, therefore a room had opened up in an east village apartment where she knew some flight attendants and delta employees looking to keep their spot but sublet for a bit. it was next to a barber shop with an odd landlord/owner type who sunbathed with no shirt out front. there was one room (mine) that looked out over the air shaft between our building and the next one over. it had a single bed and that’s kind of all i remember. i think i kept my clothes in the suitcases and just got dressed directly from them. there was another room (!) in the back that was larger and had SEVERAL sets of bunk beds for the flight attendants to come and go. just FYI this was known as a crash pad! i am sure today, i would have taken one look at it and thought: “human trafficking happens here.”

it is sort of blurry, i don’t really remember the other people who lived there, and i did NOT share the full details with my family (i am pretty sure anna gave me a rape whistle for christmas later that year), but i was so new to new york that i wasn’t even wearing flats for commuting yet, so like, what did i know/care? it may have been a month? or two? unclear. i guess my parents thought: she’ll figure it out? cade was in midtown corporate housing with central air if the going got tough, after all.

now, listen, i am particular. i like my things. i will put picture frames on an open floor plan shared desk as if it is completely normal. i later brought up that spool bed of aunt alice’s she had “loaned” my parents because i liked the look of it and it reminded me of home despite having to jack it up on those blocks to create storage space underneath (21” drop bed skirt and you’re fine). i also later had to deal with “returning” the bed just as my mother warned me i would. so, i do not contend that i was cool with backpack living. (a bowfront chest also moved to new york). i wanted to get settled and move on from the crash pad, but knowing this was temporary, my ann taylor suits and i were perfectly happy coming and going from this spot for a while. (and obvs i brought my own sheets)

i mean, it’s sort of wild when you think about it, the things we do when we don’t really have a ton of experience or options. some of the young people in my life are embarking on new things lately, stretching outside their comfort zones, and i find myself SO FULL of empathy. what did i know? not much. my friend up there really helped me in those earliest days because she had been there for about a minute longer than me, and lori and shannon at work were “older” and knew things. my roommate really wanted to be in the east village- she walked to work and had gotten to know the area. ok! that’s fine! sounds good to me! we settled on 10th between first and second, near the 2nd avenue deli (another RIP) and we had that 10th street lounge (anyone!!!???) beneath us. way beneath us, as the apartment was on the 6th floor of a 6th floor walk up. the $5 ATM was closeby, the village farm bodega always had tulips, and there was always a cab on third near the triangle. sign me up!

my dad definitely helped me with our broker fee and deposit, and then my parents, god love them, rented a u-haul and packed up the things i had designated for my new york life when i left georgia (and my ‘91 teal honda accord with sunroof and electric seatbelts) behind in july. i am so crazy that of course packed in the boxes we bought from raymond’s store on president street were silver frames, low country artwork, and more nine west shoes than any human could have needed. my mom and dad DROVE from georgia, and spent their 26th wedding anniversary in newark, nj, before driving into the city for the big unload on 10th street the next morning. they were such wonderful people.

new york tales are the business of anyone who has lived there for even just a summer internship. mine aren’t special, but gosh, they make you think about things. to give a child the idea she can do anything and live anywhere, but also grant her the parameters to help her build her own life and independence as she grows into herself and the life she chooses…that is hard to do. to teach a kid to remember their manners even in a culture that values it less than they were led to believe it would…takes a foundation that began from the MINUTE the child was born and never let up. i think now: what did they do? why do i remember the things i do? did they know what would stick? what wouldn’t, but would come back eventually? how can mason do it, too? i rejected many things in my 20s that now bring me comfort. i was BUTT-HEADED and became semi-professional at eating crow. but, gosh, they loved me. and they laughed with me. i am of course learning now they also laughed AT me. my parents made me feel valued, like my own person, and like they were my biggest cheerleaders, proud of every big, small, and often stupid step i made. they pushed me and comforted me in equal measure and did not even make me feel bad when i told them i racked up some charges on ye olde bloomingdale’s card i needed a little help with. dressing for the job you want not the job you had, turns out, often came with complications of salary gap.

could they have done a lot of stuff FOR me? some of it, yes. would it have caused them less heartbreak or as the youth say now “CRINGE” to pipe up at more turns and offer their input on my choices? surely. but they didn’t. they let me figure things out at my own pace, in my own time, and made me feel seen and heard when they watched me struggle as well as when it all clicked into place. they were always there to help with (but not fully cover) first and last month’s rent regardless of what might have been happening in their own bank accounts. i was naive, cocky, emboldened and annoying. but i was also appreciative, and took time to communicate that to them. reading the letters and notes they saved from me during those years helps my grief today, because they knew that i got it. i knew how lucky i was then. and now.

i can’t believe the things i didn’t know! and that makes it easier to observe and support these bright young things embarking on new horizons today. i will forever be grateful to have been what e.b. white called the third type of new yorker. but more lasting than that, turns out, are the people who rooted me on when i put the city at the center of my universe, and also applauded and loved me when it was time to leave. thank you! and parents, help with the security deposit if ya can.

thanks, as always, for reading. 🍎 😇😇

come tuesday

well! that’s it! if you made it to today, you survived everyone’s annual worst ever night of sunday scaries (on a monday). congrats!

labor day was such a mile marker when i lived in the northeast- the tuesday after truly was freshly-painted school buses, a new crispness to the morning air, sweating the deposit return for summer shares, and mass chaos in the in-box. a page, definitively, turned. there is a different cadence to the seasons for me now, which feels less new with every year, and just when i get comfortable with it, i am sure will shift again. i happen to like change! while i miss the LIRR more than one might have predicted, the rhythm of these passages is comforting, and the sunscreen still plentiful.

maybe it’s because i spent the long weekend with teenagers or perhaps it was the news of jimmy buffett dying. it could even (probably) be as simple as this old lady is always a little sad to see the tanning days come to a close, but i got to thinking about summer and how memories are made over the last few days.

i am not exaggerating when i say that the box set of boats, beaches, bars, and ballads was a real soundtrack to my adolescence. i saved up a lot of turtle coins for that one. i can hear one verse of a pirate looks at 40 and think of mr. wilson’s grinning face, dancing with the gilleys and bookers on green turtle, and hopping easily with julia into a dinghy with my dad. only the really lucky ones know cade today, but also knew him with a hang bang, a 13-foot whaler, able to recite every word of son of a son of a sailor (still can). with jimmy singing his heart out in the background during those hazy days, the rum punch snuck up on you, the crushes came and went harder and faster, and you got the feeling that nothing would ever be better than a full moon, hard-earned tan lines, and a spring tide with all your best friends.

at my age, many of us are working hard to create memories for the people we love, especially the generation behind us. it is a scheduling behemoth to get mason’s teenagers and their cousins to their beloved spot in northern michigan- but ya know what, all seven made it this summer on their own schedules and time. because it is part of their summer DNA! hauling young kids to the beach? SHIT SHOW. but how else will they know the taste of sand/sunscreen/boiled peanuts/salt water and want to make sure their kids also know it some day, too? no matter where your summer magic takes place, i applaud everyone working hard to make it happen. planning is expensive, time-consuming, and can annoy people. but i’ve never done it and then heard, “i’m so sad we did all this.” eat the boiled shrimp! try the slalom! (AGAIN!) book the ticket to europe, and order the pasta while there! when life changes, i’ve found myself holding close to these moments and find such joy in sharing them with the ones i love.

i have definitely reached the point in the calendar where i do not wish to run into my dermatologist in the publix, but man, i did have a good one. i appreciate every single person who made my summer feel special, particularly those who helped tina feel like the queen of weque (she was!) and i offer a special cheers to everyone who is kicking off, or has kicked off, the new school year. it is not easy to get to the finish or start line, that perspective incredibly dependent on the age of your children 😵‍💫. and to my parents in heaven, where, surely, no sunscreen is required: yet another thank you for all you modeled and gave us through the ordinary and the magic that was our childhood. oh, and i just added meat tenderizer to my tybee pantry! ya know, august.

enjoy jimmy here, talking and singing to his younger daughter about one of my favorites, little miss magic, that he wrote for his older daughter (savannah!) while living on st. barth’s. he was a good man.

Sometimes I catch her dreamin' and wonder where that little mind meanders
Is she strollin' along the shore or cruisin' over the broad savannah?
I know someday she'll learn to make up her own rhymes
Someday she's gonna learn how to fly
Oh, that I won't deny.

who’s already got a plan for summer 2024? 😬 🕶 🌴

The Season of Small Things

My mom - when she would do something she couldn’t believe she was doing, a thing about which she had once rolled her own eyes, an act that made a ton of sense BUT was straight out of the playbook of HER mother - would say, “Mirror mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all.”

As I pored over my grocery list Thanksgiving week, about 80% through the purchases, with a few more (many more) additions to come, I said to Mason, “Mirror mirror on the wall….this is straight out of Wiley Wasden’s playbook.” I had oysters from South Carolina defrosting, I had been to three grocery stores (thus far) and of course I drove to Merritt Pecan close to Albany to get pecan pies. (What?! They are the best! Order one for yourself.)

If I could have just one day with my father again, I would want to spend it riding to the Blufton Oyster Factory in his station wagon on a crisp fall day. Then on to Pooler for a caramel cake (if you don’t know the place, text me, they are LEGIT) and back to town to hit up Russo’s. We would talk. He would catch up with friends at every store. Maybe call a few in between our errands. We would talk more. He would sometimes be vulnerable, and share about his own loss and the pain he felt around people he wished were around but were not. He spoke of his mistakes, he encouraged me on how to avoid the potholes life would surprise me with, but even more importantly, how to gracefully bottom out in them, and pull yourself back up as best you could. He praised my mother, and all she did for us, and for him as a wife. Other times he would just annoy me with questions about whether or not I was saving enough money (I wasn’t). He usually had a good story about Hunt (who doesn’t!). If I wasn’t home yet, or coming in late, he would call me from his Car Phone and fill me in on what he had gotten to so far, or who he had seen at the SCDS Tip Off Too-Na-Ment (his Millen-ese accent in full effect).

The ingredients that bring nostalgia. Hymns we love. Downtime well-spent. Traditions that you never remember having, and some you added with purpose and intent. It is a season of high emotion for many, including those who are navigating change. And life is constant change, is it not? Whether you proactively made them, or they were put upon you, shifts at any age can throw off a balance to the point that we feel unmoored. I have felt this, and tried to help others through it. None of it is simple, and often times it is difficult.

We’ve unpacked ornaments lately that my mom organized for me probably ten years before she died, when my parents downsized houses. In New York I never had room for the PLETHORA of Christmas baubles my family collected over the years, so I have kept them at Tybee and now brought them to Midland. I have cried and laughed - with Mason and on my own- about all that is contained in those boxes. While I treasure what hangs on the tree, and am happy to revisit the carols I have memorized, what I am most moved by this time of year are my parents’ efforts throughout my whole life. Their commitment to get us to church and help us understand what a BIG deal it was that Jesus was born! Her thoughtfulness on saving these damn ornaments (“IS THIS CONSTRUCTION PAPER? ” my husband keeps marveling). Their marital willingness to make sure we spent Christmas Eve at Aunt Alice’s even thought they’d be up all night doing Santa thanks to the late departure from Harris Street (the woman could entertain beautifully but start time was a roll of the dice). All of it ensured Carr and I would be able to forge our own traditions, carry some of theirs forward, and - peacefully and with an open heart - absorb those of the people we choose to share our lives with today.

When you are young, you want Christmastime to last forever. When you are middle-aged you want Santa to wipe clean the AmEx. No holiday is perfect, and we should all accept it never will be! No good story comes from when the tree DIDN’T fall and the dog DOESN’T eat the entire cheese ball in one gulp from the coffee (True story, RIP Dixie). And for anyone who is navigating through this season without a person they’ve always had, or trying something new, or giving up something old…I truly am empathetic to what you are experiencing, and encourage everyone to just ASSUME THE BEST even if people act a little whack this month. We are all doing the best we can, every day. Including me, if you hear my King’s College Choir Christmas channel blasting and catch me (or Ashley in Charleston) crying in a parking lot around town the next couple of weeks. We are fine! Really!

I will tune up typing this, but these lyrics mean the most to me around this time of year, from Once in Royal David’s City:

For he is our childhood's pattern;
Day by day, like us He grew;
He was little, weak and helpless,
Tears and smiles like us He knew;
And He feeleth for our sadness,
And He shareth in our gladness.

I am sending compassion to anyone for whom this post resonates. You are loved, and remember, “Light and life to all He brings!” Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.

God Save…ALL OF US!

Elizabeth R. I always love seeing her signature like that.

The ultimate monarch has gone on to what, I am confident, is her Great Reward. Queen Elizabeth II, you undoubtedly know, has died, marking the beginning of a new sovereign, King Charles III. Wowza. It finally happened for ole Chuckles.

I have been consumed with the coverage, obsessing over the protocols, and paying closer attention to the details than any modern American needs to concern herself with. But so many of you have, as well! It clearly is not just me! I would love to spend time writing about how fabulous she was (oh, she was!) and how magnificent Catherine is (there are no words) and all of my feelings from seeing the next generation move up a notch. But I think what is most fascinating about all of this is why it’s, well, so fascinating to the whole world!

The monarchy, as an institution, is really something to behold. I recently was in Scotland (!) and drove through the U.K., and man, anytime I am there I am struck by just how old that country is. When you go down into the London Tube, it’s like oooooooookay…y’all been here a while. The monarchy’s mere existence, like anything that remains mostly unchanged for an extended period of time, is so very comforting. She was just always there! Steady, committed, the Queen just showed up. No fuss, no muss. We expected to see certain things from her, and she unfailingly delivered. Sometimes we didn’t even know what we wanted! But she still gave us something every time.

The grief that she is not around anymore, I think, stems from the universal acknowledgment that really, there won’t be another leader like her again. There will be Kings, no doubt. Queens, even! I do think there will be. But she was from another era, the last hold-out of a completely different period of history that most of us today don’t remember much of, though we knew and loved folks who did remember it. It reminds me of how people feel about Mason’s late maternal grandfather. They love talking about him, remembering their time with him, regaling people with his tales. To have experienced him, or the Queen even, is to have shared in a piece of history that has slipped away now. It is an expression of fondness for a person, surely, but also for a moment in time that will never again be repeated. And when a life represents something that big, it’s a different type of grieving, I think.

It has been touching to see the amount of collective attention paid to the Church in all of this! It was a huge part of the Queen’s life, and every note of the mourning and funeral process has been processed through a lens of her faith. These days there are few things that put the church at the center on such a grand scale. For my sister and me, raised to know the prayers and hymns recited in Westminster Abbey today, it strikes a chord. Like Her Majesty, we have been comforted by the Church in some of our happiest moments and darkest days. I have loved listening and following along. (And texting about the outfits with my sister, natch.)

I was most moved today by the final rendition of God Save the King in the chapel of St. George’s at Windsor. It was so powerful. Charles was clearly overwhelmed by the gravity, and grief, brought by her death and his ascension all encapsulated at once, as she was lowered. I was blown away by it. And I’m also proud to admit I now know the first stanza by heart. Music brings everything home, doesn’t it?

While I know we have moved on to the new guy, I will depart with the words that were sung to the Queen, Elizabeth R, Her Majesty, Lillibet, Grannie, and Mother:

Send her victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us,

God save the Queen!

And to my husband, in the event he makes it to the end of this post, should I predecease you, just know there will be a guidebook provided. 😘

work friends!

last week, emma goldberg’s wonderful piece for the NYT, “the magic of your first work friends,” made its way through my feeds. it resonated with a lot of people my age, and honestly was one of those pieces that made me think, “WHY DON’T I PITCH STORY IDEAS TO OUTLETS I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS.” probably because my nostalgic, wordy brain would never allow my keyboard to stay confined to a word count. but as someone who now works for myself, from home/a co-working space, and like a lot of you no longer heads to an office every day, this is something i truly have thought about over the last couple of years. mostly because i can’t believe there will be a whole generation of people, especially new yorkers, who won’t get their Work Friends.

there are relationships that can only be forged through particular circumstances. soldiers who experience war together, a nurse and patient who go through a traumatic event, sports teammates achieve a championship. but the one that emma talks about, and that i experienced so deeply in my first two decades of adulthood: the people you meet when you work at a company. gulley and i back-to-back in the cubicle trading AIM messages with the volume on mute. she lives 5 minutes from my stepson’s boarding school, and got to meet my husband last football season. tasha and i navigating independent life in atlanta, separating ourselves from our well-meaning parents, and hashing through each interaction with a certain stephen boyd, who caught her eye in those early days…and still does 20 years and two sons later. (WOW) heather and i talk stepchildren and family life weekly now - but we first crossed each other’s paths at 45th and lex in the healthcare team pit. it was such a time of life. small paychecks, big dreams, and fun at every turn.

i feel sad that 20somethings these days will not have to commute in the rain and throw their janky street umbrella in a trashcan. they’re cozy at home on zoom. i had a (terrific) boss once who, when i missed two meetings in a row just because i had not yet started putting things in a calendar, drove me to an office depot off piedmont road and bought me a day planner. that lesson is burned in my brain, i ASSURE you. lots of people today have never met their manager in person. the after-work drinks dates set with only your eyes across a room, knowing one another’s hangover status based on the beverages on the desk, and connecting deeply because, well, you see each other every. single. day. these are all wonderful, heartening by-products of just having a job at an office!

certain people stay with you, others are more “time and a place.” but you can always kinda pick up where you left off after you’ve spent time in the trenches with these folks. i see social media pictures of douce - not even my work friend! emmy’s! - with his young family today and it warms my heart. i remember when he kept his phone on charge all day at the office so that he would be fully charged for the ENTIRE night out. every now and then lainie (pictured above) and i get into a texting session that makes me cry from laughing. and she has never forgotten my adage from the mid-2000’s: “leggings are not pants.” (they are not!) i would never even KNOW anthony and rusty if it weren’t for my boss, lori! she is in LA now, and always on my call list when i am heading west. it’s so fun to revisit these memories, and think of the good times that helped shape who we all are.

as the jobs got higher- harder - heavier the relationships deepened. vulnerability breeds intimacy! there is not enough blog space in the world to talk about my journey through televisionland. rachel, lizzie, hope and lara in the pit at MH’s. we did NOT know what lay ahead for that crew, huh?! having to tell ashley that my mom was going to die, on a bench in madison square park, sunglasses on. ashley wasn’t even 30 yet, and showed such calm and compassion it helped teach me empathy i use very practically in my life today. lauren’s first baby. lauren’s second baby. lauren’s going to chicago. i watched josie and dana do katie’s hair and makeup a million times, as KC worked in the chair and edited and recited and pushed back on scripts. josie did my hair and makeup, and that of my stepdaughters’, on my wedding day. loved mere so much, kinda couldn’t work anywhere without her afterward. and tony. oh, tones. if the atlantic grill back bar could talk, my friend. emma refers to the remote work culture as “opportunities for friend-making” slipping away. i guess that’s what it is, and what pains me when i think of zoom happy hours and calls all day from a cush home office. fewer moments for catching the eye of a cutie on the train, getting the giggles in a meeting, seeing a colleague tank, and then reassuring them afterward on a walk around the block. i learned so much from those people, and have carried much of it over the triborough bridge, and back down south again.

there is no perfect solution, and the world surely has changed. i am sure a hybrid will surface, and people will adjust, and new york - because this is just how that magical place works - will reinvent itself yet again.

life has seasons. i am grateful for all of mine. ✨✨✨

on moms

i listen to the podcast forever 35 sometimes and they recently did an episode about talking about hard things. i am a person living without their mom, so mother’s day is a uniquely emotional time for me, but i was so surprised to hear people other than me or my sister or my friend ashley talking about how these holidays are difficult. “oh!” i thought. “it’s not just us?!?!”

there are many conversations to be had around what a mother is. people like me - or robyn or teddy or matt or stewart - know that even without your own mom around you can certainly feel mothered, have a mom-like person in your life, return the gifts you learned from your mom to the universe in myriad ways, and just generally evoke their love and pass along what they taught you in unique and deeply wonderful ways.

but!

if you had a good mama, life is never the same without her around. sorry! it’s true. life is still joyful, the ache of the loss does ease , and you will find yourself laughing with and honoring her at the happiest AND saddest times of your life. just last night i had mason full-on cracking up telling him about how my mom really clung onto the phrase “eye-high kicks” when we did a tour of radio city and the tour guide was talking about the rockettes. i can still see her eyebrows raise when the guy delivered the phrase, deep pride emanating from him, crisply dressed in his 30 rock get-up. i instantly knew she would be taking said phrase and RUNNING with it. she did. nutjob.

anyway, you will not be sobbing in a corner for the rest of your life without your mom. i promise! but it is definitely different without her around.

i guess i just wanted to take a moment to say that i am sorry if this day is hard for you. and to remind folks that it really can be a difficult time for people. it has been for me. it will be again. i am crying as i type this. but i am also thinking about the eye-high kicks, ya know? when a hole is left in your heart, you really do get to choose how you are going to fill it up. (someone told me that once! not an original line!) i choose gratitude for having such a good woman raise me! and i also give grace to myself.

i think of my favorite line in the christmas hymn “hark the herald angels sing!” buried in the third stanza - “light and life to all He brings.” that was what my mom was like! that is what my husband is like! (both of these people would/will ADORE being compared to our lord jesus christ, please be clear.) and with age you realize, it’s a choice to bring that kind of mojo to the world - to your colleagues, to your children, to the woman checking you out at chick-fil-a to whom you give the name vanessa, say, even if your name is actually judy but you always thought vanessa sounded more exotic and exciting. i try to reset this time of year, and make sure that i’m pausing and being intentional and doing what i can to bring my own light and life where i can. just like judes.

i also appreciate and celebrate the mothering i witness in the world. when i hear my sister correct her four-year-old with a “yes MA’AM?” after he says “yeah” to her, my heart truly soars. serving myself tenderloin from mary lu’s sideboard on christmas eve makes me miss my own mama’s dining room less. smiling at bryce texting carol on her flip phone, watching bonnie watching ashley put on her jewelry, and knowing beth will soon be greasing samantha and eleanor up with sunscreen to make sure they perfect their summer tans…that all is heartening and wonderful and what moms are all about. also: big ups to christy who somehow got the world’s most frugal human to have a third child. the world needs you, woman, hang in there.

just know that i am wishing that anyone who reads this feels loved this weekend, especially. i know i do! and to my mother in heaven: i am very, very sorry i always put my clothes inside out into the laundry hamper. i deeply regret that now that i fully understand how much time that tacks onto the whole thing.

the pearly gates!

It was announced today that James Lipton has died. He was one of my all-time favorite guests we had on Katie’s talk show, and TBH what popped into my head today was remembering how surprised I was at his small stature just as much as I was all the other secretly miniatoor celebs that I have been around in person (exception: Bradley Cooper but more on him in a minute). Literally all celebs except for Tim Robbins and Bradley Cooper are so short, you guys. I also remember thinking he was sort of a diva? And that it was cute how his wife was his handler? Tony and Mere can fact check me on that. He was tiny, though, that much I can confirm on the record.

What a life! He loved his work! Isn’t that a nice thing to say about someone who lived until they were 93 and you met while they were still actively working in their 80s? The master class he created at the New School in New York became known for his televised interviews, but, really, it was a class just like the ones all of us took and trudged/loved our way through during college which I always loved and tried to remember when I watched the show. I think Inside the Actors Studio was the first show I ever DVRd? That makes me sound/feel ancient. If you have never seen him interview Bradley Cooper, OMG treat yo self! Bradley graduated from the program in 2000 and when Lipton welcomes him onto the stage as an accomplished actor many years later, he is clearly emotional about it. They both are! I die! (Editor’s note: trigger city on Bradley Cooper/talk show memories. Those who know. Know.)

Listen, actors can be...annoying. And Jimmy is kinda to blamer for why we have to hear them “talk about craft,” I’ll grant you. But writing and acting and directing are all sort of lofty goals and it was pretty neat to hear from the tiny percentage of people who actually succeed in achieving them talk about how they got there. Philip Seymour Hoffman struggled with so many demons, and - like so many addicts - left a trail of heartbreak when he died. His interview is good, but he comes up in SO many other interviews which I always thought said a lot about him. Paul Newman’s favorite word was “try.” Bette Midler cried about her best friend growing up who died in a car crash, but with whom she credits making her ever think she was funny. He let Dave Chapelle rip cigs! During the Bloomberg era! And don’t get me started on Will Ferrell doing James for SNL! BTW Amy Poehler (my spirit animal) made him let her give one set of serious answers, and one set of comedy answers.

I love Vanity Fair’s Proust Questionnaire as you may know, and the series of questions he asked at the end of every interview was rooted in Proust, and later the French journalist Bernard Pivot. These are fun questions to answer at different phases of your life, or to do with your significant other from time to time. Here are mine. And here’s hopin’ God had a good line for James at the pearly gates. 

What is your favorite word? Home. 

What is your least favorite word? Moist. 

What turns you on? Laughter -  at oneself. 

What turns you off? Pretention. 

What sound or noise do you love? The sounds of a dock: metal masts clanging, bumpers squeaking, rope stretching, and boats bumping up against pilings. 

What sound or noise do you hate? From the tarmac: “Ladies and gentlemen…”

What is your favorite curse word? Shit...prefaced by “Well,”.  

What profession other than yours would you like to practice? Floral arranger! 

What profession would you absolutely NOT like to attempt under any circumstance? I always feel so badly when I see roadkill and think about the person who has to dispose of it - so that, I guess! A road kill scraper-upper. 

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say at the pearly gates? “You must be exhausted.” 

Thanks for reading. xo

do...what now?

guys.

i want you to imagine for a minute that you survived the holidays. (many of you did! congrats!) you negotiated family dynamics, powered through the month and all that comes with it, got your kids back to school without sedating them or yourself (no judgment on the latter), managed to not talk about jeffrey epstein at the secret santa exchange, got to the other side of new year’s, signed up for a spin class, slowly started working vegetables back into your diet, are considering peeking at that white hot amex statement, and then - boom - your sister-in-law WHO DIDN’T EVEN SHOW UP TO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR - issues a press release she will be departing, formally, the family she’s been a part of, officially, for about thirty seconds.

dry january, my ass, kitty midds. pour yourself a pinot because we have a few things to unpack.

not one to bury the lede: none of this should be a surprise.

i’ve said from pretty early on that this chick, while formidable, is ultimately just another product of the hollywood machine. and meghan, your L.A. is showing, girl! listen, more power to people who work hard to carve out a new family unit of their own, decide it won’t be business as usual for their branch of the family tree, and i do think harry is sort of traumatized by his mother’s death so maybe it’s ok to not live in england the way his brother is choosing to do.

HOWEVER.

it all just reeks of strategy. and cheese. the posed pics and well-planned release of “us against the world” narratives ,coupled with the look at us, look at us, look at us approach to philanthropy. the serena williams friendship out of nowhere and the flashy baby shower. did kate have a baby shower? oh what’s that? you can’t recall? THAT’S CAUSE WE HAVE NO IDEA GUYS. private. low-key. not a celeb.

the other thing that really gets me and really answers all the questions here: it’s so obvious they just kinda don’t know each other- or one another’s families- that well. i mean all that stuff before their wedding, your psycho half sister and your creepily desperate dad? me gets the feeling your future grandmother-in-law AKA the queen of england didn’t get the heads up she deserved on all that, now did she? y’all know what i mean. before you make a lifetime commitment IN THE PUBLIC EYE, you’ve got to really wrap your head around the fact people you don’t know WILL DEFINITELY have an opinion if you fly private. you’re gonna be sharing photo opps with your SUPER BELOVED AND FAMOUS, NOT LIKE SUITS ON THE USA NETWORK FAMOUS, LIKE ACTUAL GLOBALLY FAMOUS sister-in-law? are you sure you’re ok with that? this is all part of the package! you gotta get to know your person, people. understand what makes their family tick. spend time with them in circumstances that are not some sort of loved-up getaway, i’m talking a tuesday. when the flu is going around. and your tax extension is up at midnight. get in there! due diligence! you might not know, for instance, that he owns more than 100 dogs AS A HOBBY - not to mention a house cat - on date one or even five, but get to know the fella and go see where he lives, put in some time as a part of his REAL life, and well, you will get more information! trust. just an example that comes to mind! i dunno! popped into my head!

now that we have gotten a smoke signal from BP, i feel like i can share a few conclusions per my extremely non-professional eye:

^^LITCHRALLY GET ME THEIR TEXT THREAD. ^^ and data overage.

Is Camilla just, kinda, having a vodka through all of this? God, she must feel so vindicated.

Has Meghan, I dunno, HEARD OF WALLIS SIMPSON. Give it a Goog, girl. Can’t hurt.

I feel like Zara and Kate have burner phones to discuss this.

Media nerd sidebar but it is gonna be so interesting who gets the first interview. back in the day networks would have died and negotiated huge “get” packages - prime time specials, sit downs for the 7am hour, etc. i assume it will be oprah, gayle will get the excerpt (she didn’t go to that baby shower for kicks y’all)

Just a reminder: all this was announced the day before kate’s bday. RUDE.

gary janetti’s book just went in the ole amazon cart for reals.

am i the only one who thinks archie will be an only child?

they had a firm design their site! they are listed as a client! that firm WENT ON THE RECORD about working with the couple! i don’t mean to get super industry here, but there are professionals who work with the A plus of the A list out there in the world who would sooner die than disclose their work on those famous figures’ brands and pr. this is one of the wildest elements of this entire story, IMO.

quick reminder lizzie DGAF.

in conclusion: you guys this ^^ is a real couple.

maybe harry and meghan are too but…it’s different. they’re different. this entire thing is different. (see: headlines, worldwide.) i guess some people think it’s “modern” but i think it’s sad. if you can’t park your self-actualization at the door when you marry into the british monarchy, IDK what to tell you. my mom would say sometimes it’s ok to be committed to your marriage if not maybe your husband in the throes of something hard or annoying or unexpected. you are in it, and you are diggin’ in and staying with your person because of something much more deep.i something you promised to god! on national television in this case! i’m afraid i don’t get the feeling megs has the grit for that kind of lifelong partnership and maybe harry is along for the ride, wants a family, and will rock these speed bumps and go with his wife. and that’s admirable in its own way too, honestly! but the whole dating a royal in theory is far, far different from being a part of something bigger than you, on - how you say - a GLOBAL scale. it’s big! but she is educated, has life experience, and freedom of choice. and she went with the ginger. heir spare and all that he means and is. i’d love it if she showed him a little more respect.

that’s my rant! i’m old timey! sue me! i’m gonna pull for them, i swear, but they updated the anglican wedding vows for their ceremony, so jury is definitely out.

i leave you with this outfit on m’girl and name twin (C)atherine Elizabeth. i am trying my damndest to put it in my own closet as soon as my own amex forgives me for december. thanks for reading! xoxo

spring break tbt

while i’m a sucker for the northeast during fall, there is no place as magical as springtime in the south. there is that gleeful window of no gnats, blooming azaleas, and that first whiff of air that makes you remember you’re gonna have a tan again soon.

at the beach where i live, there is another the telltale sign that winter has hung up its hat: high school spring breakers. i’m talking about those girls in the dunes braving the winds and giant groups of tweens who got dropped off by their parents (they’re coming back for ‘em, too, mind you) and are doing their best to split the twelve beers one guy’s older brother scored them for the day. good on ya, folks.

i have had SUCH nostalgia seeing those pale-legged kids around tybee the past couple of weeks. savannah spring break is always around st. pat’s because who the hell wants to deal with all that, but the weather never quiiiiiite lines up for those kids. been there. y’all. it’s sunny, but it ain’t beach weather. still. they come. my dad used to do this thing where the first time carr or julia or i put on shorts for the season he’d let out a big “ooooooooooooh, they’re gonna see that glare all the way over in hilton head!” like the daughters he fathered, my old man agreed everything’s better with a tan.

speaking of my dad, now that i’m of a certain age, and know people who are managing teens and tweens themselves, turns out he was CRAZY. as a scam to distract us from the st. patrick’s day parade roughnecks - said with love - he would annually come up with some plan to get me and my friends out of the ruckus. he loaded us up in his station wagon for exotic destinations like hilton head island, tybee, and i swear i think jekyl or st. simons one time. like, what was he thinking? a car full of early teenage girls? shoot me! we thought we were THE COOLEST, though. savannah did not have a fuddruckers! watch out! venturing out of chatham county meant we could potentially score a bathing suit that was NOT from high tide. oh yeah. we could really stand out among the yacht club pool rats come july. and while adrienne vittadini was luxury and special occasions only, blufton DID have an outlet mall we could cruise if it was overcast.

true story: we sunburned ourselves so badly one year, he went to the piggly wiggly and brought home a sack of potatoes he then sliced up raw and gave to us. he swore it was an old trick for soothing “sun poisonin’” as he referred to it. god, i think of the money i’ve blown on skincare in the past decade and could really throttle the guy for encouraging that habit.

my dad listened to us from the driver’s seat analyze the new guys (turner! gilley!) and come to the conclusion that jackie barrett (see, told y’all she was a bad seed) DEFINITELY stole lindsay’s nautica jacket. he patiently changed out our mix tapes in his dashboard and dug around in the sand when i, inevitably, lost whatever inappropriate for a 13-year old pair of sunglasses i had convinced him to buy me without my mom around on day one. he bought us boiled peanuts and plums for the beach, packed up coolers, and along the way, somehow subtly encouraged us to act like ladies, skip the beer parties til high school, and stay after our sports because basketball summer practices would be here soon enough and coach parker was going to run our asses up and down that gym til we would basically die. to this day, i think one of the greatest thing a dad can do to log some quality time with his child is to come up with a road trip. it is where the parenting magic can really happen!

i, of course, just thought it was normal. he was my dad and he was always a little different from other dads. but now, gosh, it must have been such funny conversations our parents had about those trips away. i wonder how he and tom nash must have chuckled when he picked lindsey up. shaking hands, and their heads, at the drama of their middle school angels. or what a breather it must have given the hollidays to have one kiddo off their radar and in good hands at least for a couple of days - so down to just the three to keep an eye on back at 49th street. he of course instilled in me a deep desire to make him proud. but he did the same with so man of my friends, too.

anyway. those were simpler times for raising kids, me thinks. but i know so many good parents these days doing it just as well, and in the 2019 version of a buick wood paneled station wagon kinda way. so stick with it, folks! your kids will be better for it and their friends might, too.

and yeah. it made me smile to think of him up in heaven dramatically blocking his eyes from my pale ass legs as i strolled the back river today.

spring break 2019 or bust! xoxo

dylan mckay and all of us

i saw a thing on instagram today that said “guys; if you have a wife or girlfriend who was a teenager during the 90s, check in on her today. we are not ok.” man, ain’t that the truth!

i’ve written before about why the death of some people we never “knew” can still feel BIG.

it was announced today that luke perry has died. what a sad, tragic thing for all those who loved and knew him, his children, and the people who were a part of his short life i read a lot today about what a kind, normal guy he was. he owned some property in the south and there were pictures of him pitching in during some storms, and just being a regular person, not fancy, and humble. that is so nice to hear about hollywood types, you know?

so, why does this one hit home?

maybe like me, you were really really really into 90210. you loved the “gang” - though hated AHN-drea, natch - and connected with your friends through all of them. or maybe you picked it up in college and crowded around a big-ass tv in the dorm room with your new friends who maybe you were nervous to get to know, but you could always talk about 9-0! or maybe, you are under 30 and watch riverdale. see yourself to the door if you are the latter, tbh.

but for those who get it. YOU GET IT. when he rolled out from under that damn car at the walshes, episode one, you crushed with brenda. you had your own crush! and your teeth weren’t as bad as hers so like MAYBE I HAVE A SHOT JUST MAYBE.

he was so smooth! i cannot even describe it now, but like, he also wasn’t cheesy? he was just A COMPLETE SMOKE SHOW. the eyebrow? forget it! heart still skips a beat for it.

we could all identify with those people, despite the BMWs and nose job talk. i mean, i could always hold my booze better than donna, but yeah, that was a thing at prom for sure. carol walsh and her laura ashley get-up at the fashion show wasn’t as cool as jackie, but damn my mom doesn’t have a coke problem, ya know! life ain’t so bad! whew! david was different (let’s just ignore college david altogether) and emily valentine was in every school (ours was named jackie barrett at country day - still convinced our parents pooled together funds to have her and her family relocate out of savannah), and grandparents aging and smoking pot and getting into college and saying goodbye to the high school boyfriends all happened to them AND us. it was a weirdly innocent show looking back on it. i mean, look, i never dated anyone who lived in a hotel or anything, but you know what i mean. it was a PG-13 show in pretty much PG homes, and it just really sunk in.

do we need to even talk about the walk in the park where kelly and dylan told brenda what they did? to this day i am not sure i cried more than when he came home and saw toni’s wedding dress hanging after her accidental shooting. as my sister said today, “THE RAIN.” we wanted him to go to college, we felt awful about the car bomb, we hated when he got mixed up with val, and i mean, did nat ever say you’re welcome for bailing out the PP? (nat was actually a terrible businessman, tbh.)

so much of this is nostalgia, i think. remembering the den upstairs in my parents house where i watched so much. giggling about how my sister and i re-watched the series from the top while we waited for ed to come. the only time we sat on those sofas in gorgas. appointment television! try explaining that to your children! it was a simpler time, and dylan was a classic for that era.

so. maybe it seems silly or high school-y the way you felt today. but it hit home, y’all! is this how my mom felt the day elvis died? (on her wedidng anniversary, to boot! pound for pound, my dad swore that was the saddest he ever saw her, for the record). end of an era, a crush you’ll never be able to explain to young people, and a face that will always make you think of a time when you, too, were more innocent and had so much to learn.

my texts, DMs, and insta were just full of thoughts today, so i thought i would share mine. rest in peace, dylan. you were our coming of age guy, and we will always remember you. xoxo

ps - kate mckenna, i’m pouring one out with ya for mr mad bad and dangerous to know tonight.

christmas card season: THE MOTHER LODE

well, well, well. let the games begin as i like to say when i get my first card (usually the walls) of every season.

listen - i freaking love holiday cards. DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND. please never stop sending them and if you haven’t already, DM/text/email me for my tybee address (altho i did get my NYC ones too! just won’t be here after this weekend!).

but, please admit these two are the upper-est of the upper echelon.

let’s take a looksie, shall we?

all righty, well - it’s just kinda cheesy. and…STRATEGIC AF.

we don’t need nobody - we’ve got each other’s back. next.

i really didn’t like the halter choice, so i am annoyed we gotta show off the back again. (it is a nice back).

harry looks EXTRA talldrinkawatah here. it is a nice look.

i do love a black and white, now, i’ll give ‘em that.

idk, look, the world knows their faces. we don’t need more wedding shots. fine. and everyone who gets married in a calendar year, even if it’s like a january shindig, uses a wedding pic in the holiday card that year. I GET IT. i do. i just feel like it would have been nice to have a more real life shot. we get it. we heard. you guys got hitched. THE PLANET IS FULLY AWARE. but there is so much mystery surrounding them rn, and i just think MM - an incredibly savvy woman in full control of both her and her husband’s narrative - is really amping it up. as i like to say, kate’s boyfriend happened to be a prince. meghan, a C list hollywood actress, married prince harry. it really shows in choices like this to me.

hey guys: who’s on their distribution list? serena? the clooneys? (all fake IMO) i hope somebody grams receiving this. cause i need to know stuff like what’s the card stock? do they use minted? what is the text inside?

next up:

yall. these parents look tired, and it really warms my heart.

i am no dummy. this, too, is strategic. but it just feels so much less forced. i do truly think they’re kinda a young, busy, happy, not-getting-enough sleep family.

well, william! that shirt button! i do believe i see a tuft of chest hair! (emoji eyes)

I WANT TO SQUISH ALL OF THEIR LITTLE FACES. but i want to be, like, friends with little miss charlotte. does she not look….like she would be…so cute and mischevious to spend an afternoon playing with? and her messy little hair and hand me down cardigan, just all of it. I DIE.

louis. you gotta be kidding me. what a little nugget.

i hope these press rumors are all fake but i just don’t see that they are totally wrong. where there is smoke, there really usually is fire. and i think kate is just running her family and her life in a way that is in complete contrast with the way meghan is rolling. all very evident when looking at these two public photo opps side by side.

people are saying george is in jeans but…iiiiiii don’t know. i think they are like a chino type regular pant just in a blue-ish color. he looks so happy and like such a little boy! HEARTS IN MY EYES!

louis’s hand on kate’s. lawd help me. heart explosion.

now. who gets THIS card? is it hanging, along with cards from years past, in the butcher shop in norfolk? does she scribble “xoxo” on the one that goes to the queen? oh god awk-ward i guess harry and meghan get one? i assume one hangs in the break room of party pieces? ok, i’ll stop now.

well, all, that’s about it. no it’s not, ashley and i will continue to comment and text on this for weeks. but that’s all for here right now! i hope everyone is having a not that stressful last week heading into the shit show. remember! it’s just a day! like every other day.

merry everything to all! xo

musings: what if i go blonde? JKJKJKJK (but she seems super ready for christmas in PB!)

i used to do these back in the day, and thought i’d open up my brain for a minute in this fashion again. i’ve been trying to take more notes lately, so here’s a few random things on my mind lately…

i know we’ve all moved on to the holiday season, but, fall makes people…happier, i think. and it is officially my favorite time to live at the beach.

do you think karlie kloss’s sisters grill the shit out of her about her new in-laws? they seem like a close and normal family so i wonder about stuff like this. just me? cool. bye.

having cooked a lot over thanksgiving, i actually had no appetite day-of. is this how so many moms stay super skinny? like, nauseated at the thought of some of it even now. blech.

i would like to talk about a star is born with more people. can yall text me or something? thx in advance.

i do not care how long i’m away from nyc, i will always marvel at the size of bathrooms in america. i know i’ve said this before in this space, but i am not exaggerating when i say i was in one like a month ago that was bigger than the kitchen and living room of my first apartment. AND IT WAS A ONE-HITTER. like, i was mentally placing furniture in it. then i was in new york a few days later, and was genuinely comforted by having to cram myself into a basement level ladies hovel. i suspect that the person i find myself having dinner with lately is probably getting (patiently) bored with my “I do declare!” incredulous commentary every time i return to our table, but he is being very tolerant with this and other post-manhattan adjustments i still have on occasion :)

on the flip side: an apartment building’s laundry room with the machines and cards and stuff is a complete mindfuck once you’re used to your own laundry in a real, live house.

twitter threads like this, when i can’t sleep, often end with me crying from laughter.

did anyone else notice that kate hudson’s halloween party was, ahem, sponsored by amazon this year? barf emoji. (i need to unfollow her) (but can’t)

being away from an office culture that has kombucha on tap means you are a little taken aback when you see said kombucha and other tech office perks in action. bottoms up, though, guys, you do you.

i always question “why do i save this” on notes and letters and photos and playbills that fill what little real estate i can call mine, but then i am just thrilled when i revisit them. THE SHIT BRYCE AND I USED TO SEND EACH OTHER IN OUR FIRST JOBS IS INSANE. i owe my early employers some money for postage, tbh.

when ed was born i signed up for some instagram baby line called monica and andy and ERRYTIME i get something from them in my in-box i’m like “oh, wait, now who is this again?”or “ooooh a party - wait who are these guys?” they’re not people, liz. unsubscribe maybe? WIWWM?

my latest binge show is…ER. i cannot explain it. but i’m in. i have to take breaks, though, as it plays to my inherent hypochondria a biiiiiit too much. also, i know mark green is gonna get a brain tumor, like i know that in my mind, but i am still gonna lose my mind when it all starts to unravel. (Editors note: i am very bad at this modern binge trend.)

you guys i need someone in a coastal area to use this wallpaper because i do not have a place for it in my home. PLEASE. SOMEONE. I BEG OF YOU.

so the tortilla flats last call was somethin. that shit was crazy! they were down to three kinds of tequila by thursday and i heard they ran out saturday. OOPSIE. i am glad that place was a part of my life, and i plan to bore younger people about the times i had there some day and that day has actually already happened, so sorry you guys.

i have nephews who are like brothers to me because of the whacked out age differences in our family and even though it was SO SO FUN when they were little it is truly WONDERFUL now that they’re big. side bonus: loving their plus ones! welcome to the shit show K!

THE HELL is going on with the subways. it is so, so much worse than it was six months ago. yeah i’m on twitter so this is not exactly breaking news but it is really amazing how immediately i could tell.

ain’t no party like the tybee island nextdoor app party. TALK ABOUT RICH.

sometimes i will see or hear something that my mom would find funny and it honestly stops me in my tracks. it happened this week on the subway, and it knocked the breath out of me for a minute. i can see and hear her laughing in an instant. her eyes would squinch up and almost close, and she might kinda throw her head back or even cover her eyes when something really got her going. when this happes, it’s usually like a flash, a split second when the funny thing registers with me, and then my brain goes immediately to her. i see her in my mind’s eye, having a good guffaw and involuntarily i smile, too. there is beauty and pain in those moments and i feel lucky that i have some real whackos in my life (aside from her!) that i can share the funny things with. but i guess i mention it here because i had absolutely zero experience with loss before my mother died, and chances are that you’re friends with people who miss someone, too. maybe you’ll read this today and think about that person you know who might feel their own pang in their every day life. or you may be riding the train next to someone right when they have their moment, and are missing their person, and i dunno, you’ll remember what i described, and just kinda take an extra minute to think about them. i truly believe compassion for other people is what sustains us, ya know?

is jennifer garner your favorite person on insta? mine, too.

I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH NOR CAN I BE BOTHERED WITH THIS OSCAR HOSTING THING.

iiiiiiiiiii am pretty tapped out on jenna bush post-GHWB funeral (GOD HOW I LOVE A STATE FUNERAL) so if nbc could hold off on the replacement of KLG i would reallllly appreciate it.

all righty, enough! goodbye!

a beautiful, blustery wedding! with kiddos! AND INSANE FLOWERS.

did y’all really think i’d miss one? come on, now!

don’t fret, yer girl is on the case. i loved this morning’s events! my body actually woke up normally at like 5am which is, well, it’s pretty weird. but let’s move past that and look at all these awesome pics!

dead dead dead skull emoji DOA on these flowers you guys:

this pic lets you see them up close a bit more:

like, hello? am i alive rn? nope! the flowers killed me, actually.

i am obsessed with @phillipacraddock who usually does these big events, and based on her very closely watched by me, personally she is doing tonight’s reception. and obvs the bouquet. did she do this too? what is the budget? IS THERE A BUDGET? how much does it cost to rent a tree, asking for a friend?

i mean…can you IMAGINE being like oh hey welcome to my church for my wedding no bigs:

ok. i’ll try to move on….tough for me, though. a lotta comments and i don’t want to go tooooo long so here are (some of) my musings:

errybody is really feeling the pageboy/flower girl thing, and tbh they have sorta been slammed lately?

i mean OBVS savannah tindall is a hoot. her parents are my faves, and i feel like they are the ultimate “you have to meet THIS cousin” play that william gave kate when they were dating to try and like drown out the crazy in the rest of his fam. i want to hang with this crew! after a few holidays you know she was like, yeah, hey this is going fine and all, but can we get back to mike and zara for a minute? how do we get on their christmas rotation?

why does lizzie always go black shoe/bag? ok, not always, but a lot. and a nice cream pump and matching purse would have been nice here. it brings her down IMO.

imma skip the pregnant talk on megs because i mean who knows but shall we NOT keep the coat unbuttoned from the sternum down if we are not expecting, please? if you ARE expecting, you had time to plan accordingly and if you are NOT rocking a bun in your oven, well, you are actually a twig so this is not a flattering look. guess i’ll re-obsess now over what the hair of their offspring is going to come out looking like. GREAT.

kate with the leg squeeze! i am so happy to see this!

you guys, my sister and i have a theory that fergie and andrew still kinda hook up. are we the only ones who have had this thought? it’s ok if you say yes.

the scoliosis scar, brought to my attention by the aforementioned whackjob known as my sibling, but i see it getting a lot of play and it really is a very real touch!

the dress overall was not my fave but the neckline was gorg and photog-ready for the drive in. well-played. is it me, or is eugenie just like a rock solid class act? it would be so hard to follow her cousins and that circus that was harry/meghan, but she really pulled it off. her choices were so thoughtful and she look LITCHRALLY radiant. hooray for normal royals, yall! her husband seemed to be having the damn time of his life! i saw her once in the west village and the only reason i actually noticed her was because she was carrying a prada shopping bag the size of rhode island. she is a very pretty gal who seemed to survive a dramatic high profile divorce and just isn’t super caught up in it all. being normal is the best! super happy for her and i hope she is having a fund ay!

let’s talk about the emeralds, i mean the bride! god save this tiara, amirite?

that thing is mental! GOOD ON HER for finding that literal family gem. i assume…they get to pick what the queen loans? or does the queen tell you and you build the ensemble around it? these are things i would like to know. also her BROWS? i know i am a brow person because of malynda’s brow bar but you gotta be KIDDING ME that you don’t notice how great hers are. also, closeup of the bouquet touches here. i can’t imagine how fragrant it was!

EYEROLL EMOJI on cara delevigne but that is a cool look FOR SOMEPLACE ELSE.

yall i want to like the sashes, which were made to coordinate with a piece of art that also appeared in the program, but i do not. mostly bc at first look they appear to be very palm beach. idk, i just think they have soooooo much time to research how things will look at different angles and this is pretty clearly lily pulitzer-esque? but much better than the black page boy situation and i do like the look overall. you let me know anything sweeter than little girls in white tights and white shoes. i feel so incredibly sorry for people who didn’t grow up with traditionally dressed children, and i mean that sincerely.

i always comment on this and again, i know this is the formal and traditional part of me, but the milling about and chit chat at these weddings floors me! every time! these people just like ham it up while they wait on the big event! don’t get me wrong, it sucks to have to get to church super early and sit still and be quiet, but that’s when you play tic tac toe on the visitor cards with the tiny provided pencils or gossip about other people as they arrive with only your eyes between you and your mom and sister. oops. just us? right, suuuure.

kate in raspberry! it’s the remake of this mcqueen, which makes me again, want to deep dive the SHIT out of her relationship with sarah burton. she seems rested and back in the swing of things.

something funny is how hot my mentions are on insta on days like this. people be taggin’ me and i be taggin’ them. it’s rich.

it is so crazy different how meghan acts when she knows all eyes and cameras are on her in comparison to kate. i am not saying it’s, good or bad, it’s just like VERY OBVIOUS one is an actress who married a famous person and one is a gal from buckleberry whose college boyfriend turns out is heir to the throne. hey: were charles and camilla there? i assume carole and michael are keeping the kids tonight and i hope pippa puts her feet up (srsly have a glass of wine girl, you’re cooked and it’s fine).

oh! some scoop on the flowers!

why wasn’t her sister in a more official role?

WILL SOMEONE TELL US IF MEGS IS DRINKING AT THE PARTY? (you know kate will be!)

well, i guess that’s all i’ll say - i could go on 4eva - but what a happy occasion and day! yay for love and the traditions of an anglican service, as i like to say!

thanks for reading xo

i didn't work! for, like, a year!

heads up: #hashtaglongread

i have long thought of a way to write about "taking some time off" in a way that doesn't make me completely insufferable to a number of potential audiences, including myself. impossible. and believe me, i put in the time (my gmail drafts folder is a graveyard of iterations). 

so imma just aim for authenticity and do my best for brevity here. 

sheryl sandberg, in writing about the sudden and traumatic loss of her husband, included a one line prayer that stuck with me, "let me not die while i am still alive." my father died one year, five months, and three days after my mother died, and i think that somewhere in that time period i was, if not actually dying while alive, headed down that road. i mean, it was not DRAMATIC. don't get me wrong, there was no meltdown, more of a slow burn. not a ton of people even said anything to me (due credit to the ones who did) but i just wasn't myself. i wrestled with feelings of guilt, loss, shock, and tried to distract myself with tasks for my father that ultimately made me feel a strange mix of kinda speed-y and exhausted. hindsight is 20/20 but even in the moment iiiiiiiiii kinda knew something was up. i was not a fun date, i was not a compassionate boss, i was probably not the most giving friend, and i was a subpar employee. the only energy i had went toward trying to be a good daughter for as long as i had left, and i don't know if you know much about the healthcare system in this country but it'll drive a good woman mad. 

so, something had to give. we lost my dad, their furniture was divided and stored, my sister had a baby on the way, i bought a beach cottage in my hometown, and i found myself with a boss i am convinced my mother handpicked from above and sent to care for me. together, she and i figured out a breather from work, the breather turned into a permanent break, a permanent break turned into the world's pickiest job hunt, the fall became the winter (it snowed on tybee!), the winter became the spring, and now it is summer and i find myself with a new home base that, for the first time in sixteen years, is not new york city. even for someone whose career path admittedly resembles the aerial view of how I-24 snakes up and down monteagle mountain, this twist surprised me. but i am so, so happy!  

but i gotta say, y'all. it was time, that wonderful - if frustrating and SLOW - healer that helped me dig out. because of hard work and an understanding company, i had the luxury of stepping back, chilling out, and just taking a beat. i can remember saying to carole, my boss, "i just need a minute" and her saying, "liz, it's ok if it's more than a minute." it was the sort of life decision that would have worried my parents, and prompted so many questions from them about health insurance and the like, but in the end their consternation would be solved in the way it always kinda was:  my mother would have patted my dad's arm, his wrist raised as he worked another cuticle to the bone, and calmly reminded him that he should trust me. that i was a good kid, with a solid foundation, and i hadn't made too many terrible calls thus far, so why don't we just assume she's doing the right thing. for herself. i like to think this transpired in heaven, anyway. 

work is work, and life is life, but too many times the former becomes/assumes/transforms into the latter. i have had the privilege of working in so many exciting places, among so many brilliant, funny, interesting people. some of them are my close friends now! one time during a heated discussion in a stress-filled newsroom, i was accused of being quiet and when asked "what's wrong with you!!!!!"  my honest answer was, "i just can't believe i get to be here." new york can make you feel that way, and for so very long it  buoyed me. the city, that is. it kept me hungry and addicted to that thrill of being in the mix, the mix in the center of the universe, that universe being comprised of 8 million people who are just as crazy as you, but SMARTER. that is new york. but if you are able to hit the pause button at the right time, and in the right headspace, it is possible to find sources of joy in new places, and among different people. and they are also really smart and funny and motivated! (they do take a lunch break, though, which i am still getting used to.) the longer i stayed away from work, and the more people i met along the way, i realized i wasn't the only one who took action and took a minute for themselves. many of those folks i have borderline worshipped - on twitter, in life, in books, in ny magazine profiles - have some version in their own story about what THEY did. that time THEY went through a "weird" phase. when THEIR families secretly asked each other behind their backs, "he's going to be ok, right?" so, i was probably due for my own little side bar, don't you think? i am forty, after all, people!

and no. i didn't hike machu picchu or write the great american novel during my time off. BUT i did manage to live without email on my phone! and i planted variegated pittosporum in my garden because of how pretty it is in bouquets! i developed inside jokes with kids i adore but used to only see twice a year, read books from start to finish in less than, say, 3 months, got to know the tybee post office staff, helped mrs. summers and mrs. ross and mrs. wimbish at church, jumped off docks,  and above all else: my littlest nephew knows who i am and is genuinely excited to see my face and hear my voice because i have had the privilege of being up in his grill his whole entire baby life. (there is a cash bonus if bissy is among his first ten words). none of this may sound monumental, but it sure does feel it. 

i wish every company could help their people take their minute. and do so in a way that doesn't bankrupt them or severely slow career progression. i also wish that healing from loss was faster, more formulaic, and came with a predictable cadence. my mom would tell me that when i was very little and felt sick i would not whine about how bad i felt but ask her very pointed and annoyed questions about how long it was going to last. what a weirdo! but i still get that way today. like, sure, i can take the pain, fine, whatever, lady, hit me up with that cold, wet washcloth one more time. but while you're at it, tell me more about when everything is going to be normal again. turns out the answer is never! and i think what this time taught me was, in the end, that is actually ok. 

BECAUSE! if you pay attention to what's happening, and life has blessed you with friends who love and support you unconditionally, you will find the quiet. you will take the minute, or more, to listen to yourself.  yes! you! the person those people you miss so, so much created and nurtured and raised and put all their love and energy into. with them and because of them, you can ease into a new normal, a different life, and not feel that scared or sad about it. you can open your eyes and your heart and your mind and your home to NEW people and ideas and recipes and towns. and if you, like me, find your way there, i hope you will find what i have come to know....peace in my heart that, just like father dunbar says every sunday, indeed does passeth all understanding. 

come visit, now! but not until like october it's hot as hell right now. 

**and thanks for reading if you got all the way through. though, come on, it's not like you're actually working this week anyway :)

she is quick and curious and playful and strong

there is something so profoundly sad about the recent news of kate spade. such a tragedy. i have thought so much of her daughter, and how different her life will be now, the way i think of any girl without her mama the way i, too, now live. but how strange the way so many women felt connected to her. the internet has circulated so many personal stories, your first bag of hers, how her shoes made women feel on their wedding day, the happiness of working in her shop...i wonder if she really knew how impactful she was? and would it have helped her through her struggles? 

when i got my first raise - from what to what makes me chuckle still - i left my job in buckhead and went directly to lenox mall. i parked by that entrance where there was a  little bistro, my friend mary and i would meet there for dinner sometimes, and went directly in and out of neiman marcus. i bought the black nylon classic - gosh how i secretly wanted the hot pink or something else sort of wild - but i was pragmatic and thought of it as an investment piece. i mean they were so easy to keep clean! and i am infamous for taking drinks "to go" at the end of an evening. i remember i didn't tell judy because even though my mom would have supported the notion of being financially independent, she would have found its price vulgar. i have moved so many times since i bought that bag, but despite all the trips to housing works, i never, ever got rid of it. today it sits on the top shelf of my cheerful dressing room closet in new york. i saw it in a recent reorg of my closets in the city and smiled and draped a scarf over it so it wouldn't get super dusty. it means something! what, i'm not sure. probably something about making it on your own, or feeling special, maybe even just the happiness of being a young girl with a kick-ass purse. but i kept it, and gosh i am happy i did. 

to this day that is probably the only full price item i bought of hers (what? they have great sales!), but gosh i have so many of her things! just the other day i wore these neon heels just above a kitten height and ate lunch outside and a million people commented on them (obvs i was in the south). emmy probably has 12x pairs of the colored glass studs and don't even get me started with that pink rain coat with the oversize buttons i was full on addicted to one spring. i just heard bryce's eyes roll in midtown on that one. we even had a joke about "fiiiiiine leather goods" that originated from one of those enclosures of hers and i have no idea why it even became a thing between bryce, emmy, and me.  but her styles were so welcoming and happy. even if it was black it had embroidered black on black polka dots, and to this day i am grateful for the lime green wallet of hers that i can spot in my clusterfuck of a pocketbook no matter how dark and messy it gets in there. 

love the ones you're with, folks. just like that, life changes in an instant. but i am grateful for the sparkle she inspired in me, and so many ladies. 

gameda

don't you kinda feel that right about now these two be like: 

kate's like imma put this pump to good use, william is all NOW THAT WAS A WEEK with harry at the hotel bar, and maria is on full alert it's gonna be a late one. 

there are a million little and big things that have happened this week to make tomorrow's big event JUICY, and boy do my text messages prove it. this is one of those times where i am EXTRA glad to be a girl and not a boy. QB wouldn't even let us talk about it at dinner last night and actually REQUESTED tabling the wedding as a topic in advance of our reservation. (he has two daughters so joke's on him.)

i have heard from lots of you wanting to know what i think (SO MUCH, I THINK SO VERY VERY MUCH RN), am i gonna write something, etc so because of my schedule this weekend i thought i'd go ahead and ramble a little here now. the excitement is palpable! so welcome to my inner monologue...poor you!

ON THE DRAMA

soooooooooooooo. did i watch the lifetime movie? yes. yes, i did. did my sister download some sort of subscription to lifetime? because she is a cord cutter and doesn't have cable? so it was the only way for her to watch it? no comment, you'd have to speak to carr about that. 

this week shows everyone why no one should ever pass judgment on another person's family. errrrrybody got that one cousin/step/inlaw etc. i don't care who you are. look, hers was not exactly hard to find, but man, this is some eleventh hour stuff thomas and co have pulled. how bout the family that is not included but just went ahead and booked a trip anyway. you know, the people with all the luggage and the equivalent of NY1 guest "commentator" roles for the weekend. L-O-freaking L. i bet anyone who reads this knows EXACTLY who in their family would cause them problems should they find themselves on the verge of becoming a princess. text your sibling right now who would fuck up YOUR royal wedding. 

don't you KNOW doria is about ready to murder thomas? she's probably been like I KNEW YOU WOULD PULL THIS SHIT THIS IS WHY WE DIDN'T LAST all week. 

charles is NOT "giving her away." that's actually not even really what a man walking a woman down the aisle is actually all about. i am a super dork about anglican church things, so i won't bore you all, but please note that the palace statement on charles "stepping in" was specific to just the quire. ie the midway point to the altar. which means she enters the church SOLO  - up the stairs UNESCORTED - and through the nave on her own. then, chuckles escorts her for the second half of her overall aisle walk. the primary royal guests (ie the good seats up front not the folding chairs) will see him with her, which is pretty rich, like she is bucking tradition to some degree but not in front of the church ladies if you know what i mean. there are some reports that charles is only walking her to where she will be standing with harry but that really is not how it's supposed to go AT ALL. someone, i presume that charles, FOLLOWING THE PROTOCOL OF THE PRAYER BOOK, is going to take her hand and give it to the archbishop. that's the entire point. if that does not happen, especially given the fact she was confirmed in the church a couple of months ago, it will be the biggest scandal of the day. 

in all seriousness, as LK pointed out this morning, can you imagine having a 600-person wedding and having ONE family member present? it's sad! it would be a huge, huge red flag for me if i were harry. 

an overall note is that things just get elevated around family moments like this. funerals, weddings, hell, i've been stressed at a christening before, they'll be fine. it'll all be all right for a little bit, at least. just get through the day, guys. it's just a day! (they should have eloped!)

MY QUESTIONS (AND SOME OF YOURS):

is james all "i'm not lookin' so bad after all eh?" to kate right about now? 

what will kate drink night of? related: what time will she start drinking?  

does the nose ring remain in on the MOB? (this is foremost on the mind of BB and Carr as well)

do pippa's hubs and will text? 

the #1 best moment of william and kate's wedding is when he - LOOKING LITERALLY IDENTICAL TO DIANA - first is side by side with kate and tells her she looks beautiful in such a real, shy, way. i could cry typing it, it is so normal and authentic and sweet. the #2 best moment though was when harry looks back and sees her and is grinning and is like "dude, wait til you see her" to his brother. i just don't think there has been the time to forge such cuteness and closeness with MM. and that makes me sad! will make their eventual divorce, sorry it's just my opinion, easier in a weird way though, i guess? again, just get through the day, team. 

who takes charlotte and george home? maria? baby nurse with louis? 

how many assistants will the photographer have? 

will meghan drink? i swear if i were her, i don't know if i would. 

is bonnie hammer in attendance? 

has kate seen meghan's dress? 

will meghan's wedding band be (my fave) just the thin, welsh gold band like kate's? 

what's trevor engleson doing tomorrow? 

did they secretly pre-shoot some pics? that would track. 

what color will the queen wear? related/RIP Judes: what's in her purse? 

is princess eugenia probably just like whatever dude, my thing is gonna be a BREEZE. uh-oh....what will meghan wear to that?!?! one day at a time, wasden. 

how are photos/the social media policy enforced? are they? 

what i would kill for

the text chain of kate, pippa, and carole. 

this month's data usage for kate, pippa, and carole, as well as chelsey and cressida. 

to have seen will's face when he saw kate for the first time at the end of the day that thomas had his rollercoaster with TMZ. 

the bar tab of william and harry tonight. 

wallis simpson to be alive rn. 

the seating chart. 

to watch the wedding at home in pj's with sarah burton. 

harvey levin's data usage from the past seven days. 

the text chain of fergie and her girls. 

the convo wills and harry had about wearing a wedding band vs not. 

total number of hours spent polishing silver this month by the windsor staff. 

pantyhose or no pantyhose for the bride? 

has james hewitt been in touch with harry? (if you get this reference you will know where i stand on harry's paternity)

cressida's texts with her friends who weren't invited. 

chelsey's texts with her friends who weren't invited. 

will DJT watch and if he does will he tweet? 

ok gang....signing off for now. tip of the iceberg! long live the monarchy....and carole middleton! 

spring! in new york!

it is no secret that i heart ny. last night, i will say, a homeless guy who had just finished filling up a GIANT bag of recyclables went to sling it around his shoulder to haul into the duane reade on seventh avenue near 12th and, well, he slung it right into me. you take the good, you take the bad, i guess. 

BUT this is a great time of year for this dirty ole place! here are some things i love about spring in new york...

central park. i am a downtown girl, but it is worth the pilgrimage right now even if it's not your immediate back yard. it is sparkling and beautiful and you can just hardly believe all the work that goes into keeping it that way. there is also this little exhibit of french parks and gardens that pulls from the overall collection that is worth a duck in. don't forget, NY license lets you still get into the museum at your own price. take a twirl it is so, so dreamy to just find yourself walking amongst the monets and van goghs like it ain't no thing. 

not wearing coats. 

the little entrance thingies outside restaurant doors go away. it always takes me a minute to be like "what is that place" oh it's the same place i went in all winter long but now it's just kinda naked on the street. 

rooftops. especially my own. 

the cellist on west fourth.

you can just straight up wear flip flops to get a pedicure and not have to deal with the whole their flimsy temporary ones/saran wrap/spray/uggs situation. 

speaking of nail salons - bright summer colors like clambake and jelly apple!

easier to spot celebs: ben stiller on a (not citi) bike, for instance. 

better moods and outfits, just, like in general. 

SNL's may sweeps. 

when the trees are blooming and shedding and for a minute if you've been inside someplace for a while and you're like OMG IS IT F-ING SNOWING?

the hope that this year, this summer, this season for SURE, penn station will be better.  (it won't be)

the frying pan. 

junk pier people watching (ie the christopher street pier) 

soul cycle classes clear out a bit. 

but mostly...you did it! you made it! it snowed the day after easter but it's NOT gonna snow again for a while and when it does, you'll feel all the magic all over again. get out there and enjoy it! 

a baby! in england!

i think it is so cute when people are together as a couple from a very early age - you have so many pics together! like, there are some gems of, say, harriet and stuart, that will just about bring you to your knees because of how insanely YOUNG they look! everyone gets better with age IMO but there is something about those innocent, full faces from college that just amaze me about people my age who have been together for twenty year already. kate and wills are like that and i find it freaking adorable. (WHAT DOES HE CALL HER. IS IT CATHERINE? IS KATE FAKE AND THE MEDIA CAME UP WITH IT BECAUSE IT FIT THE BRITISH BROADSHEETS BETTER THAN CATHERINE? WHAT DOES PIPPA CALL HER? ALMOST EVERY PERSON READING THIS CALLS ME LIZ BUT LITERALLY NO ONE I AM RELATED TO CALLS ME THAT - THEY CALL ME BISSY. OR ELIZABETH IF I AM REALLY PUSHING IT. DOES SHE HAVE A NAME LIKE THAT? WHAT IS SHE CALLED AROUND THE HOUSE BACK IN BUCKLEBERRY?  I REALLY REALLY REALLY WISH I KNEW. <end manic internal monologue>)

anyway, they have added a healthy little baby to their sweet family. what a nice story for the world! as elizabeth holmes (no, the other one) has now trademarked...so many thoughts! it is so cute to see william holding the baby carrier thingy that you clip into the car seat thing! you let me know if there is anything hotter than a man dealing with the dumb everyday shit of being a dad. i saw a guy the other day on the street with the lunch bag AND the book bag because SOMEBODY now gets to ride a scooter to PS3 and about got hit by a taxi because i was transfixed by the cuteness. she has such quick labor! is charlotte as sassy as we all think she is? does the queen text baby and confetti emojis? how annoyed is george? is he telling tall tales of when charlotte came home? can't middleton be incorporated into this child's four or five names somehow? i want mike to get some love! and, last by not least: how annoyed was meghan that she didn't get to breeze by the paps outside the lindo wing. (yes, QB, yes to all you are thinking.) 

there are a million little notes i could riff on (because i am mental) but i'll just stain you on five, ok? you're welcome. and i'm also sorry. 

1) GEORGE IS OBVS SORT OF SHY AND CBB WITH THE PRESS BUT WILLIAM LEANED DOWN AND MADE A LITTLE COMMENT THAT GOT HIM TO LAUGH. 

Y'all, it is a split second in the video but you can see it happen and it's captured here. His sweet little face remains downcast and focused on ONE. FOOT. IN FRONT OF. THE OTHER. but that boy's daddy got him to laugh. I die. Also pictured: somebody has been working on her wave. 

2) KATE CHANNELED DIANA. AGAIN. 

I die. Kate is so thoughtful and subtle with the nods to her late mother-in-law. I really don't know what to say about the hose and heels seven hours later, but I do know that if she has a fourth it should be named after her hairdresser. My sister remained calm about this scene only because she kept telling herself - and me, all day - that photo opp or not, the Duchess was wearing mesh granny panties just like every other new mom. Fair. 

3) CHARLOTTE WALKS ON HER TIPPY TOES. 

Will the cuteness ever stop? EVER? I love it when little girls go through this phase. I want to eat her!

4) GRANDMA IS AT CVS. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MOMS DO.

Carole Middleton - known* chardonnay enthusiast and the royal attache I would most like to sneak a cig with at Meghan and Harry's reception- is ultimately the MVP of this entire situation. Did she know when she watched Elton belt out the custom Candle in the Wind number in WA on tv that day that she'd one day have to double up on granny duty to make up for the untimely passing of the People's Princess? Honestly, she's so goddamn good at what she does, MAYBE. But really, she is just a mom. Getting her girl some Tuck's medicated pads at the English equivalent of Duane Reade. In, admittedly, a higher heel than anything Judy ever owned. Good on her, and give your mom a jingle today because you know what, moms are the best. 

*Fine, I don't technically ~know~ that Carole loves chardonnay but until someone proves otherwise, I'm stickin' to my story. 

5) LOL THE RANDOM COUPLES LEAVING THE LINDO WING ON THE DAY THE RAZZI WAS WAITING ON BABY CAMBRIDGE. 

This is one of the first things I saw when I blearily opened Twitter in my bed yesterday morning. I was LOLing before I even knew Kate was there. Obvs, BuzzFeed did a story all about it and it is as rich as you may suspect. 

In closing...here is the prettiest person I've ever seen leave a hospital with a new baby! 

Thanks for reading! And yay for healthy babies and good mamas and daddys. 

proust!

i am just loving the new direction of vanity fair, a magazine i will forever subscribe to in print. treat yo self! it's so cheap! yet luxurious! the change in leadership is already so impactful and palpable. 

just like i go immediately to the approval matrix in ny mag, i always flip first to the back to read the proust questionnaire when it comes in the mail. i lovvvvve reading the questions and am always so profoundly touched by at least one answer every person gives. the best ever was david bowie who answered "What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?" with "While in New York, tolerance. Outside New York, intolerance." what a guy. 

they're kinda tweaking the questions over time, which i'm not into but here are my answers, today! i should fill this out like every ten years.  FWIW, I  cut and pasted the q's and then just went with what came to my mind. Not a draft/tweak/edit situation. How would you answer these?!

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Being on the beach with people I love. 

What is your greatest fear?

Regret. 

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Genetic and gender predisposition toward guilt.  

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Being cheap. Not frugal, not mindful of prices, not a fan of bargains - cheap as in "but i only had the salad and one glass of wine" instead of just splitting it down the middle. 

Which living person do you most admire?

My brother, Wiley III. 

What is your greatest extravagance?

Plane tickets. 

What is your current state of mind?

Clear. 

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Punctuality. 

On what occasion do you lie?

Saying a baby that is not Ed is cute. 

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Ooof. That broken capillary on my face that the dermatological community of Manhattan cannot seem to get rid of. Whatever, coverup, it's fine. 

Which living person do you most despise?

Let's not have hate in our hearts! But honestly Steve Schmidt because he is why we have DJT. 

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Nice manners. 

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Secret-keeping. 

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Totes in text, rich in conversation. 

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Too early to call. 

When and where were you happiest?

I am happy often, and I hope I continue to find new sources of that powerful, addictive emotion as long as I live. But I think the point of this question in this context is to share an anecdote that really stands out. So with that in mind, my answer is: in the boat with my father, leaving a no wake zone. I can still remember every detail from the first time he let me do it myself, I was probably seven or eight, leaving Turner's Creek for the Wilmington River. It is still emotional for me to be in any boat without him when the throttle is pushed. "Two speeds, Elizabeth: neutral and wide open." 

Which talent would you most like to have?

I fucking wish I loved running. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Hmm, the running thing? Don't @ me to sign up for the marathon, please. 

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

The organic way my professional and personal networks have merged. 

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Anything that let me be with my sister all over again. 

Where would you most like to live?

I mean - the state of Georgia and New York City? YOLO y'all. 

What is your most treasured possession?

My parents wedding rings. 

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Losing your mother. If you had a good one, though, it gets better. 

What is your favorite occupation?

A television publicist. But I do not want to do it again. 

What is your most marked characteristic?

Weird to answer that about yourself. Probably my sense of humor, though. If you can't laugh at yourself and the world around you, what is the point of anything? Runner-up: my voicemail box being full at all times. 

What do you most value in your friends?

Showing up no questions asked. 

Who are your favorite writers?

Oh god let me try....Handel, Claire Messud, Sally Quinn, Jennifer Senior, Tennessee Williams, the Rev. William H. Ralston, Ben Smith, Flannery O'Connor, and Robyn Castellani. 

Who is your hero of fiction?

Elizabeth Bennett. 

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I literally have no idea how to answer this. 

Who are your heroes in real life?

Cancer researchers. 

What are your favorite names?

I could do an entire breakout post on names. Maybe an entire blog about it. Zero chance to narrow this down. So I'll pick one male and one female: Alice and Wiley. 

What is it that you most dislike?

Bad manners. 

What is your greatest regret?

Losing something I should have taken better care of. 

How would you like to die?

Without flourish. 

What is your motto?

No regrets, same as my mama's.